[He was surprised to hear her. It had been...a while since he'd dared to even think of her. It still hurt, but it was raw as well. Fresh. Something he could not remember being able to deal with without someone else.
And who did he really have?]
It...is.
[Three days...he couldn't remember if that had happened. But he remembers finding out she had died, nearly a year afterwards and by happenstance.]
[She thinks they mean sad in two different ways but lets it go. Somehow it's easier to let it go. What is the point of holding on, or trying to with anything?]
Si. [but she doesn't want to talk about that and it's not why she brought it up. She strokes the floor with her fingertips as if it's a small pet]
It should have been anyone else here. Any one of the familia would have fallen in love with you instantly. You would have been happy.
[she rolls over onto her back]
There should have been another woman. Or maybe I should have remained at the convento. They always said I would make a good monja. [Though she sounds faintly amused at this.
[she's surprised that he can't. Glad that he can't. It's good that he can't and maybe never should. It makes her smile though she isn't happy. Strange]
You would be surprised how fiery monjas can be. But you're right. [her fire sears everyone.
At his words about the familia, she shakes her head]
Teto-- Hector... You would love them and they would love you. No one can hate you for long even if they want to. You are such a generous man. So kind. Giving almost to a fault.
[and she'd just given that up because she was stubborn and hurt and hadn't understood. Well when did she when it counted]
By being there! I don't blame you for going but that's all I ever wanted. All we ever--
[she cuts herself off]
No forget it. What's done is done.
And as for De la Cruz. What he wanted-- Do you know he-- He came to Santa Cecilia once. I--
I thought you would be there, but--
[she has to stop as an almost suffocating sadness fills her at the memory, but she pushes through it, shoves it to the side]
He never spoke of you. Not once. Maybe he did later on, I don't know. But -- you would have thought he would have told me you were dead.
[but she knows De la Cruz means much to him only]
And he never took care of you. Never. And I know you say it doesn't matter but it matters to me. And he could be bothered to care for something beyond his own estupido career.
And why are you so ragged in the Land of the Dead anyway? Why isn't he taking care of you? He is famous because of your songs but you're... You don't even look-- healthy half of the time, as if you're being forgotten and--
I bet he never told a single person. I bet you he didn't. [she's pacing the room now, furious] I bet he took all the credit because he is a filthy puta. He said-- do you know what he said?
He said to me that your dream was greater! That you wanted to play for the world and how dare I hold you back from your greatness!
That is what he said.
And I did hold you back because if you'd lived you would have been great, and even though you died, if he had just said something about you, you would be better off. People would know what you did!
And if you want to defend De la Cruz I don't want to hear it. [she holds up a hand, even if it is just voice] I know how you feel about him and it's not going to change my mind.
[And he stops because. That was such an old argument and it didn't matter at all anymore.
But he is surprised that Ernesto returned to Santa Cecilia.
Halfway through, Hector rolls his eyes and gives an annoyed snort.]
Of course he didn't say anything. People would wonder and they might find out he didn't write those songs.
[But despite everything, Hector can't help but grin as she curses. She always had a way with them. Making them seem powerful instead of ridiculous like he did.]
Eh? Wait, wait, wait. Imelda, why do you think Ernesto sings my songs?
Because they are incredible, idiota. Because they are-- they-- from-- just inside... they pull out everything. And he's just banking on that without doing any of the work of his own.
We had to play for three radios because idiotas left their shop doors open and all I could hear was Poco Loco or El Mundo es Mi Familia and I just wanted to kill it.
You would think! But... even if he sang them right he could never sing them like you. I think he secretly hated you because of that... But... [she folds her arms] I think he secretly loved you, too.
That doesn't mean you didn't deserve better. That doesn't mean you could have had more. You accept so much when you don't need to. It's like you don't know your own worth.
[how could he not? that always baffled her]
In my life, before Coco, I had two things. I had my brothers and I had you. And both were more precious to me than the stars... You...
That's how content you are. Not what you're worth. [she takes a deep breath]
For me-- For me-- Without you, I would have been nothing. With you I was everything. When you left...there was nothing that filled the space where you had been. [she presses her hand against her ribs] That is what you mean. That is what you are worth.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: 3/18 night voice
And who did he really have?]
It...is.
[Three days...he couldn't remember if that had happened. But he remembers finding out she had died, nearly a year afterwards and by happenstance.]
But then the twins came, si?
3/18 night voice
Si. [but she doesn't want to talk about that and it's not why she brought it up. She strokes the floor with her fingertips as if it's a small pet]
It's like that now... Just you and me...
Re: 3/18 night voice
We are...but...that's how things wind up. Right?
3/18 night voice
It should have been anyone else here. Any one of the familia would have fallen in love with you instantly. You would have been happy.
[she rolls over onto her back]
There should have been another woman. Or maybe I should have remained at the convento. They always said I would make a good monja. [Though she sounds faintly amused at this.
And then sadly...]
Lo siento
Re: 3/18 night voice
Imelda, you would not have lasted a month being a proper nun. Your fire is not soft enough for the church.
[There's a small splash, he's put his feet in the water and is lightly moving them about.]
I wouldn't have known them. Not without you. And they wouldn't know me. We'd be more strangers than estranged.
[And he wants to accept the apology but instead...he just looks out over the water.]
I...I know.
3/18 night voice
You would be surprised how fiery monjas can be. But you're right. [her fire sears everyone.
At his words about the familia, she shakes her head]
Teto-- Hector... You would love them and they would love you. No one can hate you for long even if they want to. You are such a generous man. So kind. Giving almost to a fault.
[and she'd just given that up because she was stubborn and hurt and hadn't understood. Well when did she when it counted]
Re: 3/18 night voice
[It doesn't sear...it warms and inspires. Or maybe that was just him. There's a hollow laugh from him.]
If I really had been, I could have figured out how to keep you, coco and Neto happy.
3/18 night voice
[she cuts herself off]
No forget it. What's done is done.
And as for De la Cruz. What he wanted-- Do you know he-- He came to Santa Cecilia once. I--
I thought you would be there, but--
[she has to stop as an almost suffocating sadness fills her at the memory, but she pushes through it, shoves it to the side]
He never spoke of you. Not once. Maybe he did later on, I don't know. But -- you would have thought he would have told me you were dead.
[but she knows De la Cruz means much to him only]
And he never took care of you. Never. And I know you say it doesn't matter but it matters to me. And he could be bothered to care for something beyond his own estupido career.
And why are you so ragged in the Land of the Dead anyway? Why isn't he taking care of you? He is famous because of your songs but you're... You don't even look-- healthy half of the time, as if you're being forgotten and--
I bet he never told a single person. I bet you he didn't. [she's pacing the room now, furious] I bet he took all the credit because he is a filthy puta. He said-- do you know what he said?
He said to me that your dream was greater! That you wanted to play for the world and how dare I hold you back from your greatness!
That is what he said.
And I did hold you back because if you'd lived you would have been great, and even though you died, if he had just said something about you, you would be better off. People would know what you did!
And if you want to defend De la Cruz I don't want to hear it. [she holds up a hand, even if it is just voice] I know how you feel about him and it's not going to change my mind.
Re: 3/18 night voice
[And he stops because. That was such an old argument and it didn't matter at all anymore.
But he is surprised that Ernesto returned to Santa Cecilia.
Halfway through, Hector rolls his eyes and gives an annoyed snort.]
Of course he didn't say anything. People would wonder and they might find out he didn't write those songs.
[But despite everything, Hector can't help but grin as she curses. She always had a way with them. Making them seem powerful instead of ridiculous like he did.]
Eh? Wait, wait, wait. Imelda, why do you think Ernesto sings my songs?
3/18 night voice
Because they are incredible, idiota. Because they are-- they-- from-- just inside... they pull out everything. And he's just banking on that without doing any of the work of his own.
Re: 3/18 night voice
[Wait.
His voice softens a bit.]
You still think they are incredible?
3/18 night voice
[she snorts]
We had to play for three radios because idiotas left their shop doors open and all I could hear was Poco Loco or El Mundo es Mi Familia and I just wanted to kill it.
So I did.
But I still loved them.
Re: 3/18 night voice
Y-you destroyed three radios? Ay, do you see why I wrote that song for you?
[At least that song had kept it's meaning, even if Ernesto had slowed it down a bit. he shook his head.]
Ernesto messed them all up. You'd think he'd at least learn to read the music if he's going to bother stealing it.
3/18 night voice
You would think! But... even if he sang them right he could never sing them like you. I think he secretly hated you because of that... But... [she folds her arms] I think he secretly loved you, too.
Re: 3/18 night voice
[He sighs though because, they had been close. Then he'd died and Ernesto had stolen his songs.]
Guess it wasn't enough.
3/18 night voice
I think more than anyone he loved himself.
[she sighs]
You deserved so much more out of life.
Re: 3/18 night voice
3/18 night voice
[how could he not? that always baffled her]
In my life, before Coco, I had two things. I had my brothers and I had you. And both were more precious to me than the stars... You...
[but she can't say it]
You are-- I --
Por favor care for yourself like you care for me.
Re: 3/18 night voice
[Ernesto might have wanted more, and Hector couldn't blame him. If only, somehow, they could have all wanted the same thing.]
I-imelda...
3/18 night voice
That's how content you are. Not what you're worth. [she takes a deep breath]
For me-- For me-- Without you, I would have been nothing. With you I was everything. When you left...there was nothing that filled the space where you had been. [she presses her hand against her ribs] That is what you mean. That is what you are worth.
The other half--
[but she can't say anymore]
Good night, Hector.
[and she ends the feed]
Re: 3/18 night voice
[And the feed is off. He sighed a bit, looking at the communicator in his hand.]
That's why I can never want anything more...you made life worth while, no matter what else was happening.